Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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