Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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