i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Found your dick twin last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
