he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
