I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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