On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
