remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We're too hungover to prance.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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