not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
my poor anus
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
