WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
