my phone needs a breathalizer
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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