Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
