why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
