I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
