hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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