STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
