Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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