Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
