wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
