I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
