I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
