im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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