i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I look better un-naked...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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