batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
