a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
