I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
