I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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