What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
