HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
