but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
