I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
