We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
