I cockslap morals
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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