i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
