I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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