i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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