I need help removing her.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
