and you said cock pushups were impossible
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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