He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
