we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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