Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
