At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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