i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
