Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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