Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
