Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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