i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
