I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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