is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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