In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
