If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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