Tell her she can't have a vagina
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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