You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
