Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
