see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
someone owes me an orgasm
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
