I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
