We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
