CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You ruined the universe
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
