i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
