that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
