not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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